


Let Me Love You

by ByChallaF (Chewie4370)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Imprinting, Love, Romance, Time - Freeform, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 00:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chewie4370/pseuds/ByChallaF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is blind, anger and bitterness is blinding.<br/>When Jacob imprints on Leah he is pulled into a long time standing pain between her and Sam. With nothing he can do but give the love of his life time, Jacob doesn't know how much more of it he will be able to take. What will finally make Leah look past Sam and what she always thought she would have and see Jacob, a love that can give her so much more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The following characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer, author of The Twilight Saga. The story idea is the property of the posting author.

*III*

Love is blind, but anger, bitterness, these things are blinding.

I am hopelessly, madly, in love with a girl; a girl who doesn’t see me. It is more than love; it’s a soul mate and destiny.

She was my imprint and if I ever wondered if the Faiths could be cruel it was confirmed that night I looked into her eyes, the first day I really saw her, and knew simultaneously that I would love her beyond our time and that there was a chance she would never love me the same.

For me imprinting should have been the easiest thing. I didn’t have to wait for her to come of age, like Quil did with Claire. I didn’t even need to explain what imprinting was or how or why I shaped shift into a wolf, scaring the girl half to death. like Jarrod and Kim went through. My imprint already knew all the legends and all the rules. She was one of us.

Lucky me! In my imprinting I had managed to get tangled in a web of past hurt and rejection, an old love that never died, and a family betrayal that may have resulted in a wound that never could heal.

I forever belonged to Leah Clearwater.

We all knew Leah had dreams to get far away from La Push and it was only aggravated by Sam leaving her for Emily. Not only was she Leah’s cousin but her best friend. The pained shouldn’t have gotten any worse; that should have been more than one person should have had to endures but the Faiths weren’t done with Leah yet.

Her strength was tested again while she held her sobbing mother and younger brother as they watched the casket close over her father’s body. She felt as it was now her responsibility to take up the slack that was left behind by her father’s death. She was responsible for helping her mother, their home, and looking out for her younger brother, Seth. Not long after she helped to lay her father to rest, Leah shaped shift for the first time. That was the final blow to what was left of Leah’s hope of leaving La Push, Sam, and her humiliation behind.

In changing thought she got answers, she was permitted to know what happened between her and Sam. She didn’t care that he didn’t have a choice in the person he was destined to be with. The truth only told Leah that imprinting was a way to guarantee heart break and the calling of her ancestors for her to be a protector of her people was the curse that would forever force a mental link between her and the man she loved, hated, and could never have.

If she would only let me love her.

Leah was distinctively the lone wolf. As time had gone by we had all come to accept what we were, and the purpose we were to serve. She wanted to eat alone, patrol alone and all around be left alone. And we all let her. No one reached out to her, though she was clearly in pain; hurt by everything that had gone on. You didn’t have to have the infamous wolf-mind link to know that. Every day the rest of us were subjected to the thoughts of Leah. She festered on her pain, anger, and resentment and mentally fed it to us. With it we got Sam’s guilt for what he had done to Leah, being happy when she clearly was not, and the added bonus of the position in which he was putting Emily. 

Imprinting was messy. 

I would never forget the day I found Leah crying alone in the woods.

*III*

It was another tribe council meeting. I was growing exhausted with these things. I had already been patrolling most of the day and I didn’t want to do anything but sleep. We all took our usual seats. Old Quil, Billy (my father, the chief), and Sue Clearwater sat above the fire. Sam sat on the log with Emily at his feet; ready to record the stories from our tribal elders. The rest of us were scattered about the site, sitting on the ground and logs. Those with imprints were sitting with them, or they were nearby, handing out food to starving wolves. 

But Leah was the exception.

She sat alone, beside the large tree, facing away from the flames and all of our leaders, Sam included. No one disturbed her. Thought everyone else laughed, no one seemed to be concerned with the brooding woman only a few feet away. 

And that’s how Leah wanted it.

I half attempted to listen to the retail of stories that I had heard as a child. I lay across the log I was lucky to occupy alone and closed my eyes.

“We are strong because we are one,” I could hear old Quil say in a shaky and determined voice.

“Throughout our history we have been a people of commitment, family and love. Love for our family, both close and far. We win, we last, and we endure because we rely on this strong call and desire to love; to protect what is ours; even more than we rely on our muscles and might. Our wolves are powered by this fuel and fire. Nurture it and we will remain strong, and more formidable than anything that comes against us.”

The truth of Old Quil’s words was evident. Not just amongst the couples that sat around the fire but even in recollection of the Tale of the Third Wife. She sacrificed because she loved both her family and her people. It was because of her love that we all sat around a fire that night.

The silence was thick around us; I couldn’t help but hear the sigh and sniffles of our lone wolf. I sat up from my slumped perch in time to see Leah wipe away a tear. I looked around our group that slowly begun to become energized again. No one else heard her crying, her sadness, or they had chosen to ignore it. For the first time I could see more than just Leah’s burden she shared with us all. Her presence spoke of her strength and determination. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the soft curve of her lips or the brush of her lashes on her cheek as she closed her eyes to the world around her. She was beautiful, a beauty I had never seen before on her rich skin and moonlit hair. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. When she opened her eyes I was hoping to see them, see them for the first time the way I was seeing her. 

Everything was about her in a blink of an eye. It was like wires were pulling to her, connecting us. I could feel the pull of them against my own will. I looked around the campfire for something to be different but everything looked exactly as it was. Leah and I were the only thing that had changed, but I was obviously the only one who could feel it or see it.

Leah must have sensed she was being watched. I could see her eyes cut my direction though she never turned her head. Suddenly it mattered to me that I didn’t look my best. Dirty from patrolling, clothes tattered from the constant wear of what was only suitable for phasing. Exhaustion was written all over my face. I was far from a sight for sore eyes. But above my need to impress her was my need to touch her. A simple touch: her hand, her arm, or a brush of my lips across hers. I needed her, truly and deeply. The unexpected thought and need scared me. It came from nowhere and yet it meant everything to me. But before I could reach out to her, Sam called for our attention.

“I have a very important question I need to ask?” Sam called from across the fire to the entire group.

He reached out for Emily, who had taken up a conversation with Sue. The look on her face showed she didn’t know what to expect any more than the rest of us. Sam led Emily before us all before sinking down to one knee. 

“Emily, I cannot imagine a day that I will be able to go without seeing your beautiful face, your smile, or hear your voice. You have been a part of me from before I knew what was to expect of my life. We will have battles to fight both together and apart. I love you, Emily.”

The tears had already begun to fall from Emily’s eyes. The girls were all anticipating the question. But while everyone looked on to the couple before us, I was more concerned for the broken woman behind me. I could already see Sam’s words had brought her from her lonely perch. I had never given much thought to Leah. I let her be miserable and all alone like everyone else did, just as she wanted, but in that moment she had all my concern and attention as we awaited Sam’s next words.

“Emily Young, would you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Emily Uley?”

You could hear the gasp of air and that ear piercing banshee sound of the other women.

Emily sat there, eyes wide and mouth open, as she was surrounded by the other women in attendance. While the group gushed over the would-be bride I kept my eyes on the woman who had stood from her seat. The look in her eyes was anger, sadness, and vengeance all at once. Her breath was quick; her chest moving up and down rapidly as she stared head on at the woman who was the center of attention. I slowly stood to my feet out of some unknown instinct. If Leah saw me she wasn’t acknowledge me. 

It wasn’t until I heard Sam clear his throat that I realized Emily still hadn't answered his question.

“Of course, Sam! Yes. Yes. Yes!” Emily gushed.

The round of applauds and girls screaming to see the ring was interrupted by the tear of clothes, and flesh and the growl of the she-wolf. 

Everyone paused, frozen at the sight of the gray wolf sneering at the newly engaged couple. I looked in the eyes of my brothers at arms shocked to find boredom, embarrassment, and even anger at Leah’s reaction. Sue was the only one who wanted to cry for her child.

Leah continued to growl and sneer at Sam and Emily. Our Alpha was ready to strike. He protected Emily with his body and I could see the tension in his muscles as he was ready to phase in a blink of an eye to protect his wife.

Leah released an ear piercing howl before quickly retreating into the lining trees. The echo of her cry could still be heard around us.

“Leah!” Emily called out trying to move from behind Sam as if to get to the retreating wolf.

“Emily, no.” Sam stopped her by the arm.

“She’s hurting, Sam. We have to help her,” Emily pulled from Sam’s arms jogging to the lined trees of our meeting grounds.

“Em, there’s nothing you can do for her,” Sam said as he followed. 

“Yes, there is,” Emily turned to Sam. “I can do something. I can. . . I can,” Emily turned back and forth between the wall of trees and Sam, who stood just behind her waiting on her to finish her thought.

Sam’s face looked so hurt watching Emily struggle with coming up with a solution. I couldn’t help but wonder if he cared at all about what Leah may have been struggling with. 

“Something, Sam!” Emily finally screamed in frustration. “I can do something for her, and I will,” she said pushing low, thin branches out of her way as she began to make her way into the trees.

“What? Emily, no! Where’re you going? Stop her,” rang the many voices of the campfire attendees. 

Sam grabbed a hold of Em’s arm again in his attempt to halt her further advances into the trees.

Emily fell back into his arms sobbing. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Shh . . . don’t worry, Em. I’ll find her. I’ll bring her back.”

Sam passed his upset fiancé off to Sue who had walked to the tree lines as if she too could get to her daughter.

“No,” I called out, bringing all eyes on me. “I’ll find her, Sam,” I said walking towards our Alpha.

I didn’t know why but I felt like I was the only one who could get to her, find her, and save her.

“No, Jacob, it’s not your job.” Sam looked from me back into the thick of the trees.

“It is if you give it to me,” I responded with more of distaste than was needed, or intended. “Besides, I wasn’t really asking permission,” I added.

The thought of Sam going to Leah pissed me off far more than it should have. Didn’t he see that this was his fault? Did he have to propose in front of everyone? What did he expect would happen? How did he expect Leah to respond?

Sam flinched at my tone, but he didn’t argue with me. He had a responsibility to his pack, to Leah, but he also had it to Emily. I looked across the roaring fire and into my father’s eyes. He sent me a way with a nod of approval.

I began walking into the woods to privately discard my clothes and phase.

“Jake, wait,” I heard Emily call out to me.

Emily hurriedly handed me the long sleeves-flannel shirt she had been wearing.

“Give this to Leah to cover up, please,” she said with a sigh that I could only imagine held her heavy heart. It was the “something” that she could do. Emily walked back to Sam who had met her in the tree line.

I had never much thought to how all of this affected Emily. Knowing the way Emily thought, she believed her to be the bad guy; falling in love with her cousin and best friend’s boyfriend. She wouldn’t give herself credit for trying to fight it or the fact that she and Sam were bonded together through fate. 

I watched them walk back to the gathering that had already been rejuvenated with laughter. Though Sue still stood at the forest looking into the darkness in vain for her wounded, oldest child, no one else seemed to care. I couldn’t help but notice that I cared more than I had ever cared before. This wasn’t the first time Leah had run off. It was normally a chore for the pack member charged with retrieving her, including me. I never understood why Sam didn’t use his Alpha command to call her back. Now I wondered if maybe he needed the space as much as she did. But this time was different. I did care, I wanted for some unknown reason to find Leah. I wanted to comfort her somehow, not only because no one else would but rather because I knew that I could.

All the changes, what it all could have meant swam in my head as I tied my shorts and shirt to my ankle with the piece of leather I had learned to carry everywhere with me. 

Running wolf style was only to make up for the time lost. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hear her. As soon as Leah had a good distance a head she would phase back, I was sure of it. She didn’t want anyone to hear her thoughts and it wasn’t something she could control. Something in me broke at the thought of Leah alone, naked, and hurt somewhere in the woods. There was nothing or no one to protect her.

Though she fought it tooth and nail, despite how strong she was, she still needed someone to catch her.

My legs pushed hard, to move faster. I had no idea where I was going and as suspected Leah’s thoughts were silent to me. My mind was filled with images of her curled on the cold wet forest floor looking lost, feeling like she didn’t matter. But she did matter, she mattered to me, more than anything ever mattered. I would be her rescuer. I would take her away from Sam, from Emily, from the feeling of lost and alone she lived through every day. I was determined to save her. 

With the purpose stronger, my body moved on its own accord knowing where to turn, where to go. And it wasn’t until I could see with far and perfect vision the crumpled body lying amongst the sticks that all of my instincts where correct. I could feel the numbing pain crippling her body. It blanketed me, making me feel weaker. I could feel her, sense her desperation and despair. I whimpered at the weight of it. My run stopped, as I eased into a dragging crawl. I reached for her still body. I nudged her body with my nose with no response. If not for the small rise and fall of her chest, the slow rock of her body as she attempt to pull away her pain, I would think she was no longer with us. 

I fought against the lead weight of her emotions. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the reason they affected me so much now. I backed away from her, and though she could not see me as I stood behind her, though she had yet to open her eyes, I could hear her whisper my name in a subtle cry as if she knew it would be I who could save her. I called upon every ounce of strength my body possessed pushing away the pain that had inhabited me with a fierce growl as if to scare off a physical thing I couldn’t see. I could feel the desperation pushed aside by the same purpose that moved me to chase after the woman who lay on the ground. With a final growl, a final battle of wills, I phased back and fell crumpled to the ground.

“Leah,” I whispered, heaving breath pumping out of my chest at the exertion it took to change back.

There was no response to my cry to her and my brain conjured up every horrible notion possible. I could feel my heart breaking with every moment my brain settled on the possibility that I had lost her before I had her.

A fear I had never had before that moment. 

Crawling towards her crumpled body, I continued to call her name; needing a response to calm my living nightmare.

“Please, say something,” I whispered. “Please, Leah, you have to hear me.”

Ignoring the presence of our naked bodies, I pulled her into my arms. I had grown over a foot since I phased that first time and like my brothers I was covered in muscles I didn’t even have to work hard at getting. But Leah wasn’t like us, despite her changing she was all women. She was lean and shapely; even in wolf form she had undeniable sleekness to her build. With just enough muscles in the right places, her body was feminine perfection.

Another thought I had never had before that moment.

I looked down at her face that lay across my chest. In her dark moment her face was calm and blank. I could see the streaks her tears left down her cheek and the dust that clung to her face from her collapse onto the ground. Her cheeks had a blush to them, and her lips were full. Her hair fanned out over my arm, I could feel its softness. I couldn’t stop my hand from trailing a path from her dark parted waves, wiping away her drying tears.

“Leah . . . please,” I begged. I couldn’t distinguish the want in my voice; it was new and scary.

But my silent cry was successful as Leah whimpered and scratched softly at my chest.

“Please . . . I can’t do it,” Leah responded to my plea as she crawled further into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“I’m here, don’t worry,” I soothed her, rocking her in my arms.

Time passed by around us; still exposed to each other in a dark forest. Our ragging body heat kept us warm, but I covered Leah with Emily’s shirt. We didn’t speak and Leah rested her eyes as she continued to cling to me. I thought she maybe sleep and the last thing I wanted to do was wake her. I wanted to stay there in the forest, looking down at the warm skin beauty that before that moment I had never seen before. I couldn’t help but think about why suddenly no one and nothing else mattered to me. I wanted to understand why her pain had affected me and I wanted to know what I could do to make her whole again.

But the world didn’t leave me to my thoughts as I heard the low ring and vibration of my cell phone some feet away in the pocket of my shorts that had fell from my leg as I phased back and I never bother to put back on. Leah must have heard it as well, as she began to stir in my arms.

“I can’t go back there,” she said.

“You can do whatever you want.”

“No, I can’t,” Leah voice broke from tears. “I can’t escape Sam. I can’t leave this place. I can’t get over this pain.” Leah crawled closer into my lap pulling her legs up to our chest.

I clenched her tighter, trying to protect her from the pain that flowed from her body and into mine. I was ready to absorb it all for her if that’s that it took.

“I don’t even want to go home.”

“Then don’t,” I said. “You can stay at my house. You can face tomorrow when you get ready. I’ll do it with you.”

Leah only looked at me and I couldn’t read a thing of her expression, but I waited for her patiently, because deep in my soul I know that’s what she needed.

“I’m so tired,” Leah closed her eyes and hided away in the shadows of my chest and her arms. “I can’t even phase.”

“I’ll carry you. I’ll take care of you.”

Without another second thought, I placed Leah on the ground and tied my discarded clothes back to my leg before bursting in to wolf form. Leah climbed onto my back, nestling between my shoulder blades. Her hands tangled in my hair and I could feel it in the deepest part of me. I knew she couldn’t hear me but I offered up a pledge of protection to her, a promise she would never face them alone again and I would always be the one to find her when she needed to run.

*III*

The walk to my house was slow, partially because I didn’t want to wake the beauty depending on me, as she fell back to sleep, but mostly because I didn’t want our time this way to end.

But I could see my small one level home appear in the distance. My father’s truck wasn’t yet in the yard and I wondered if he could still be at the council meeting. I didn’t know how long I had been gone but thankful that Leah still didn’t have to face anyone. I knew my Dad wouldn’t do anything to hurt Leah, but I wanted to protect her even from him.

I growled deep and low in my chest, enough to awake my beauty. Slowly, Leah slid to the ground and took a seat on the porch swing, laying her head on the seat. As I phased back, quickly redressing, I couldn’t help but think Leah had no clue where she could be. Her short dark hair covered part of her face; her hands wrapped around her body, clenching Emily’s shirt. I opened the door and cradled the exhausted woman in my arms and carried her to my room. The couch would have likely sufficed, but I wanted her comfortable. I wanted her prepared to face the day.

Placing her in the center of my bed I pulled away my shorts and tossed them to the sided for a clean pair. Reaching for my cell phone I could feel my blood boil at the sight of Sam’s multiple missed calls. Damn him! I refused to call him back. This was his fucking fault and I refused to give him the satisfaction.

Leah stretched and purred in my bed, making me smile. Carefully as possible, I removed Emily’s shirt from Leah’s body and replaced it with one of my own. The extra-large size gave her more covering. When I stood back and looked at the oversize red shirt against Leah’s deep, rich skin tone I had to admit I liked the way my clothes looked on her; shaking my head at the thought of Leah ever wearing my shirt, I pulled my blankets back and tucked her in.

I kneeled before my bed, only looking at the women I felt called and compelled, to find and protected. Again, silently I vowed to watch over her past that moment and into the next. 

The next morning came too quickly for my exhausted body. I spent most of the night, awoke just looking at her face. I wondered what she dreamed about as her face morphed from calm to pain repeatedly. I finally crashed along the end of the bed sometime in the early morning, and even that sleep was restless. 

My mind replayed the scene of Leah’s resolve and control breaking that moment at the meeting. She could no longer hide her pain and she showed it to us all. In my dream I chased her but she never let me catch her. In wolf form I ran after her, always so close, but never close enough. My legs burned with the speed and my body exhausted. With the race I unintentionally phased back to myself, my body’s reaction to the pain and exhaustion. I fell naked into the blackness as I watched Leah, still a wolf, fueled by anger, hurt and betrayal speed out of my sight. I called her name until my cries were swallowed by the thickness of despair. I awoke in a state, nearly falling form the bed.

I awoke to find Leah sitting at the head of the bed, staring out of my bedroom window. There was no hope found in her face. I just watched her, waiting on her to speak, but she never did.

“Leah?”

Slowly she turned at the call of her name. Her face changed as if she was shock to see me there.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” I asked.

It was unnerving as she only stared at me, pass me even. It was as if there was a delay between hearing my words and her response. She eventually nodded her head telling me that she did remember. The reminder brought a tear back to her eyes that fell without hesitation and without Leah’s attempt to shield it or brush them away. She looked back towards the window again. I wanted to see what it was she could see.

I thought maybe instated of the trees and cliffs that were just outside my window, Leah saw bars; she saw a prison that she couldn’t explain or escape. Maybe all she saw was pain and more heartache awaiting her.

None of us were different from Leah. We all had talked about leaving the Rez when we got the chance. Maybe it was to go live in the big world, to go to college, find love, escape the stigma of not knowing who your father was, or just to have an adventure. We all wanted to go. The only difference between Leah’s reason and the rest of us was that her’s were a lot more known and scandalous and wrapped in the burden of our legend.

“Leah?” I called again, but despite my pleas for the attention she never turned to look at me.

“I meant what I said to you, Leah. You don’t have to face anything alone anymore. Not the pack. Not Sam and Emily. Not even life. You can turn to me. You don’t have to run and when you are ready to run then I will run with you.”

Leah brushed away the tears that continued to stream down her face as a response to my words. She adjusted her legs under her, pulling them to her chest and hiding them beneath my shirt she still wore. 

“Leah, please,” I pleaded with her, and yet and still no response. I could take her silence no more.

“Listen to me,” I demanded as I rounded the bed and kneeled before her in front of the window she watched so intently. She still didn’t acknowledge me.

“I will never leave your side and no one will ever get away with hurting you again. I can promise you that, Leah.” The words rushed out of my body and reminded me of how exhausted I was.

“I can promise you that, Leah,” I repeated, taking her hand in both of mine. 

I could feel the electricity flowing from her. My heart skipped a beat when I looked up into her still crying eyes. She was all that I saw in that room. The heat of her hand and the pain of her heart was all that I could feel. We sat that way, Leah only looking pass her prison to her escape, and me kneeling before her clasping her hand in mine, wishing she saw her escape in me. My head fell to her hand covering it with my cheek as I still clung to her for life. 

“Jacob,” she called out to me. I looked up to her face only to see she still looked beyond me and my room and out into the world. “Will you take me home?” Her voice cracked at the tears that still streaked her face.

I didn’t want her to go; I wanted to keep her right there with me where I could continue to watch over her. As I nodded my head reluctantly, I squeezed her hand a tighter, helping her out of the bed. I walked her from my room, through my house and to the car until I was forced to let her go.

Quietly, I drove her, aching to take her hand again. I walked her into the house and followed her to her room. Even in despair and silence I didn’t want to leave her alone. Leah didn’t notice me until she turned to close her door. I didn’t know what other words I could tell her. I didn’t think she heard them anyway. I just stood there, staring at her. She slowly closed the door before me, looking at nothing more than the hardwood of her floor, but not before I could see another tear role down her sad and beautiful face.

There was so much more than that door before me. There was a fortress blocking her from me and I didn’t know what to do about it, or even why now I cared at all about the shield she used to hide behind.

Turning to leave, I was met in the hall by Sue. Concern was written all over her face, but there was something else there in her eyes as she watched me walk towards the door to leave her home.

“Sue,” I turned and called to her just as she raised her fist to knock at Leah’s door, “if anything happens . . . if Leah needs anything, would you call me? Please?”

My tone was just shy of begging.

Something flashed behind her eyes again before she responded, with a half-smile. “Sure, Jake, of course. And Jacob,” she called back to me, “thank you.”

I only offered my own sad smile in return. I heard as she knocked on Leah’s door, softly begging entrance to the room of her child. I walked from the house and to my waiting car, frustrated that I had driven. All I wanted was to run on all four of my legs. Push my body to exhaustion as my mind worked out what the hell was going on. But it was probably for the best. Somewhere someone was in wolf form and I wasn’t in the mood for the wolf-y telepathy. Instead, I drove to the cliff I had jumped from a thousand times, thank full to find it deserted despite the slowly climbing spring temperatures. I sat along the cliff letting my legs hang over the edge, letting the river water and breeze calm me and my overly active nerves. 

There was no need to deny what it was. I had seen it before in Quil, Paul, Sam, and Jarrod. The hairs on the back of my neck rose at the thought of Leah. Her named tasted so sweet on my tongue and I hadn’t even said it aloud. My mind was always, thinking of her somehow. I could still feel her as if she sat there with me on that cliff. The feel of her hand in mine vibrated through my nerves all the way to my heart, making it pump because I knew I was breathing, I was living, because of her. I was living for her.

Leah was my now, my always, even before that night I ran after her.

Sitting there all alone on the side of a La Push cliff, I knew that just the night before I had imprinted on the woman who didn’t want anyone but Sam. Acknowledging it seemed to make breathing easier, but with the settling of one giant mountain came the jumble of another. 

Nothing was ever simple and I didn’t know why I expected it to be any different. Something that felt so right could seem so wrong. There was the part of me that knew Leah didn’t feel the same way as I did, and that possibly she never could. 

I mentally exhausting day turned into a restless night. There wasn’t enough tossing and turning to settle my own racing mind. My body felt the weight of my mental unrest day and night. I longed to be near her and the thought that she was crying made my existence harder. How did I know she was alone and crying. I didn’t know how to explain it, but there was an unanswered call to wipe evidence of pain away except it was tainted with the fact that I couldn’t reach her. As soon as the dawn broke over the sky I was out of my door and racing to Leah’s door.

Sue opened the door with that same wondering look in her eyes when she realized it was me. I didn’t have anything to say; nothing more than a good morning. Sue understood as she waved me onto Leah’s room. My body was acting on its own, ‘cause I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I knocked on Leah’s door, but no answer. Sue stood behind me looking on, her hands clasped at her chest, as if she was praying. The sight of her made me think that even after I had left, Leah hadn’t let her in. Sue hoped Leah would respond to me as if I was the key. But after repeated knocking and the sound of obvious life on the other side of the door it became evident Leah was never going to let me in either. My heart broke a little more at the sight of Sue’s face falling, and her waking away in defeat.

*III*

There was only a matter of time before the pack found out about my imprinting on Leah. Wolf-y telepathy and all. No one said anything at first, though I knew the moment they found out. Paul and Quil were the first to rag on me. Seth only smiled and shook his head, never commenting about it. Sam just gave me an understanding nod but when we were alone he gave me his real thoughts on the matter.

“Don’t hurt her Jacob,” he said standing just slightly over me. Despite the many years between us, I was close to him in height so it did not surprise me when my Alpha placed himself a top of a fallen tree trunk to add the extra foot to his frame. He was reminding me of his given authority. 

“I know you didn’t just fucking say that to me,” I said disrespectfully. 

It was a ridiculous thought that anyone would ever do anything to hurt their imprint, regardless if they were just friends or lovers. To hurt your imprint was to kill yourself. But more than that, to hear warnings from the very man who had hurt her more than anyone thing ever possibly could seemed hypocritical in the least.

I expected to be reprimanded, but I wasn’t. 

“Jacob, I know things are not easy for Leah here; they are hard on us all, but especially her. Emily and I have each other to sooth the confusion and pain and yet Leah has no one.” Sam looked away. 

Maybe I sensed shame in his eyes, but I was defensive, ready even then to defend Leah if I had to.

“I am happy to know she has you.” We both stood by silently. Sam continued, “I don’t have to tell you that she may not come around to this change easily. And rather you are only her protector or her future; you will have a task ahead of you. If you need to talk to anyone, I’m here. Okay?”

Unfolding my arms, I attempted to calm my defenses. I nodded my head in understanding and acceptance. There would be no chance in hell I would take a single matter to Sam involving Leah but I wanted him to know I respected and appreciated the invite. 

Emily found out soon after the talk with Sam. When she saw me, she collected me in her arms, enclosing me in a hug that convey pride, thanks, encouragement, and congratulations. Emily never said a word about it that day, or any other.

Leah did not find out the news for another week as she continued to seclude herself from the rest of the world. With new news so juicy it was no wonder she caught wind of it the moment she phased. It was Seth who came and warned me that the secret was officially out to the unsuspecting lone wolf. 

As I stood at the lumber yard waiting to relieve Leah, Embry and Jared, I braced myself for her attack; be it physically or verbally. Never had I been afraid of a girl the way I feared Leah as she reappeared from behind the wall of woods, redressed.

Leah slowly walked my direction, never acknowledging Seth who was patrolling with me, Sam who was there for support or to referee I wasn’t sure, or the rest of the pack who simply showed up in hopes of seeing an all-out brawl between me and our fiery she-wolf. 

Leah stood before me, her lip in a sneer. Her eyes glided over me as if she didn’t know who or what she was looking at, as if she suspected me of foul play or set up.

“Don’t start following me around like some lost little puppies like the rest of these runts do with their imprint. I’m not interested. Got it!” she yelled loud enough for all to hear, including the animals of the lake and forest.

“Got it,” was all that I could respond as I watched her turn her back on me, and walking away from the gathering pack. 

As soon as she was out of sight I burst into my inner self and trotted in the opposite direction away from where my soul was pulling me to go. Leah may have been right; I was ready to follow her. 

“Let’s let him run on his own for a bit, Seth,” and the snickers of the rest of the pack was the last thing I heard as I ran away from my brothers. 

After that day Leah was no longer surprised to see me come after her when things in the pack became too much for her. When she took her time away from the pack, a luxury Sam afforded her, in spite of the commotion surrounding the wedding, I was always close by, even if she didn’t want me to be. Eventually she grew use to my presence and stopped protesting it, running away. A part of me hoped she looked for me in my absence but I could never be sure. 

I had thought as she grew more comfortable she would see me and maybe she too would imprint on me, making things easier, but that was not the case. I wasn’t ever sure if she saw me or just knew I was there. How could she ever love me if she never saw me?

“Be patient son,” Dad said one night as we sat on the porch looking out in the night sky. “Leah is complicated on so many levels: she is the first female wolf ever in our legend, we don’t know what this means for her future, she has faced heart break after heartbreak from the loss of men in her life.”

I knew he meant the loss of Sam, only shortly followed by the loss of her father. I had never given thought to if Leah feared the loss of anything else.

“You know Jake,” Dad called me out of my thoughts, “you worry Leah will never imprint or that she may imprint on someone else, but the fact is we don’t know if she has the imprint ability.”

“What do you mean?”

“Imprinting is described as the soul connecting back with the one in which it was created from and for. It is a connection that dates back as far as Adam and Eve. It is believed we have this special gift in order to maintain the bloodline of Tah Aki, to keep the shape shifters strong and close.”

“Okay, what’s your point?”

“My point is: wouldn’t it be redundant if Leah also imprinted on you?” The questioning look in my eye begged him to go on. “Jacob you are the son of a chief, the rightful Alpha. Leah is the one and only female wolf. This bloodline will be stronger because of the two of you but do not allow this age old magic to do the work the heart was created to do. Comfort her, stay close to her, be for her what she needs as you are called to do. Give her time son. That, right now, is more important than anything.”

The idea of being paired to Leah only for some defined intervention to maintain our linage angered me and yet the thought of her name made me want to run to her. With a deep breath I let the things my father said settle into my spirit. If Leah needed time, then that was what I was going to give her.

*III*  
(6 months later)

There was plenty to do but all I could think about was Leah. I pulled up to Emily’s house, the oversized grill loaded in the back of my Dad’s truck, ready to be unloaded at La Push for the engagement party. It was the night before the wedding of Emily and Sam and keeping with tradition the entire tribe celebrated together, breaking bread and being marry. Yet the sounds that were pouring out of the bride’s house sounded nothing celebratory. 

I stepped out of the truck just as Paul and Quil walked out of the house shaking their heads and laughing.

“What’s going on?” I asked. It didn’t matter what much was happening. I could hear Leah’s voice over all other’s and knew it couldn’t be good.

“Your girlfriend in there is raising Cain!” Paul responded.

“And Abel,” Quill added.

The two laughed as they continued to walk past me. It angered me when the pack referred to Leah as my girlfriend. I was attracted to Leah and it didn’t take long to notice my imprinting on Leah was not as friend, protector or anything as innocent as that. I couldn’t watch her phase or images of her body would play back in my mind on a constant loop, irritating the other wolves. Every time she touched me, or her scent surrounded me as she sat near me at the campfire made my mouth water and completely captivated me. I wanted Leah in every sense of the word and yet she was blind to me. Friendly one moment and stand-offish the next, Leah struggled with my imprinting on her and if she ever harbored a single lustful thought about me she did well in hiding it from the pack. So to hear Leah being referred to as the thing I wanted more than anything was a slap in the face; a reminder of what I didn’t have. 

Approaching the door the argument between those inside became clear.

“I told you I was going to help you!” Leah shouted.

“I know Leah, but you’ve been . . . . busy lately and I didn’t want to disturb you,” Seth responded. Seth was growing as large as the rest of the pack but he still sounded like a younger brother when he talked to Leah.

“And what is Emily, free to do whatever, including proofreading your papers?” Leah screamed. “She is planning a wedding for Christ sakes, Seth.”

“Really, Leah, it’s not a problem at all,” Emily joined. Emily looked up to find me standing in the door frame. With a shrug of her shoulders and a sigh I could hear her call for help.

“Right, of course you can. Emily can do everything. Emily is perfect. Emily is so special. And whatever Emily wants, Emily will get.” Leah screamed at Seth and Emily.

“Leah!” Seth screamed back.

Leah’s words cracked like a slap in the face and hit their mark as Emily bowed her head in sadness and shame.

“That’s enough, Leah!” I said taking her hand in mine.

Leah turned to face me, the anger in her eyes clear but fell away as I looked down at her slightly shorter frame. I should have been concerned with Emily and her bruised feelings but I was more concerned with Leah and the anger that was surrounding her. I looked deep into her eyes and saw the pain that was still there, the unease of every situation she found herself in. I held her hand, looking past all the things that were just below the surface, in search of the woman Leah was, scared and alone, and still in search of time. 

Her face changing from furious to confused as she turned to see Emily in Seth’s arms, trying to control the sound of her sobs. Seth only acknowledged his sister long enough to display his own disappointment, sending the lone wolf running from the kitchen. With one last look behind me I saw Emily began to approach the door as if to go after her long lost friend, only to be stopped by Seth. I was already down the steps, stopping at the truck to pick up my back pack, and I was off. 

I had gotten good at searching for Leah. She was not like the rest of the pack who long for the speed of four legs and adrenaline pumping runs cooled only the fanning leaves and branches as we galloped at full speed, putting dozens of miles between us and our problem with each minute we ran. It didn’t surprise me Leah preferred to walk because to walk as a human, at a human speed, with human vulnerabilities allowed her to deny the thing she felt was the core of her problem: shape shifting. She phased on to patrol, only when she had to. 

Despite the movement of only her two feet Leah was fast and I relied on the sounds of crunching vegetation and the sight of snapping twigs to find her. No matter where things went from bad to worst Leah always found herself in the same place I had found her over 6 months earlier when she ran from Emily and Sam’s engagement. This dance use to lead to Leah running further away, or her getting mad I came after her. I would then leave her to her vices as I sat some yards away just letting her be alone, without actually being alone. I followed my Dad’s advice and just gave her time. Eventually she let me sit closer until now she didn’t even acknowledge me hardly when I took a seat right next to her on the grass. 

It was my Leah Survival Pack: a blanket, a couple bottles of water, a muffin or granola for her and Cheetos for me. There was an extra pair of shorts for myself and a long dress Leah’s mom managed to secretly get to me. The pack had come in handy several times as I bared the elements with Leah and lost countless hours in this spot waiting on her to be ready to face our world again. Today was no different as I unrolled the fleece blanket. Leah quietly stood from her spot and repositioned herself in the middle of the red and green cover. 

“You and your handy dandy backpack,” Leah said. “I’m going to start calling you Dora.”

“Sheesh, can I at least be her cool cousin Diego? I am, after all, out here rescuing a wolf,” I replied as I handed her one of the small bottles of water.

Leah hardly smiled at my response as she looked down at her hands as if captivated by the drink.

“What is wrong with me, Jacob?” She asked, her voice low.

“Nothing is wrong,” I responded without thinking. Leah looked up into my eyes, tears already beginning to swell. 

“You have to say that,” she said, sniffling. “I’m your imprint. I do nothing wrong in your eyes, right?” The words were lost of any clear emotion. She was angry again but I could also hear her sadness.

“It is not my job to lie to you, Leah.”

“Well you’re doing a hell of job at it,” she said sarcastically. When her eyes turned up to mine the tears had already began to fall.

“Fine: you are a sad little girl trapped in the body of an angry woman who happens to turn into a fierce wolf. You have continued to suffer as a result of this thing that you are, that we are, and you blame it for everything that has gone wrong in your life. You shut people out because you don’t want to chance getting hurt anymore and at the same time you are angry because no one is coming close to you. And yet here I set day in and day out, taking your lashing and your anger, and your sadness, offering you water and muffins until it pass and you still don’t see me.” The words the spilled from me was more than I intended and yet I couldn’t take them back. “So there is nothing wrong with you that wouldn’t be wrong with anyone else in your place.”

I looked for Leah to go off again, to wrestle me to the ground for having the audacity to call her out on her bullshit, despite her having asked for it. I was expecting the back lash because the backlash from Leah I could handle, yet her silence was deafening to me. Since the day she shut me out of her room, Leah’s silence has always meant she was no longer in the place any longer. Her body became eerie still and she was so quiet I wondered if she was breathing. I wondered if the mysterious woman who somehow managed to become a wolf, when no one ever thought it possible for a woman to be a shape-shifter, could also Spirit Walk, just as our ancestors could. I wanted to know if the woman who mesmerized me, without trying, could walk with our ancestors, seeking answers for the things that ailed her heart, mind, and soul. They were never questions I was brave enough to ask her when she did “return,” but just as the Spirit Walker of our ancestors required, I quietly watched over her still body waiting on her to return, hoping it was with answers to her happiness, hoping it was with a new sight of me.

Time dwindled away from us as she sat quietly in the forest and I beside her. I never rushed Leah, always offering time, the only thing I could give her most of the days we spent together. We were forming our own bond that was forged in silence and protection. My love for her grew whether her’s did or not. 

“I really hurt Emily today, didn’t I?” She asked, remorse dripping from her words. 

“And possibly Seth.”

“I hurt everyone that comes in contact with me.”

“Not everyone,” I said smiling at her.

“Again . . . imprint . . . you are required to take my bullshit and smile about it.”

“What imprint manual have you been reading? It’s severely outdated.”

Not a laugh, not a smart comment, not even a punch to the arm at my sarcasm. 

“Well I guess we should head back. We have an engagement party to attend. I better go, since this is the only way I will ever go to one,” Leah said as she stood from the blanket, sticking her unopened bottle of water back into the back pack.

“What do you mean?”

“I will always be the guest, Jacob.” The tears reappeared in her eyes and Leah allowed them to fall immediately. “And that’s okay. When you spend so much time hurting people you can’t expect anyone to love you.”

My heart died there in the woods where Leah’s hope of ever getting Sam back died months ago. I felt as if the very thing that I was positioned to do still was not enough, Leah still did not see that I loved her. My chest ached with the pain of rejection, leaving me speechless and on the verge of my own tears. I never thought of marriage, hell I was still trying to keep my head wrapped around imprinting, but Leah dismissed the idea before it was ever one to consider. My heart was hurting and there was nothing that I could do about it because all I still could do was give her time. The more days like this in the woods with her started to make me feel like there was not enough time in the world for me to give her; for there to be an us. 

“I know you’re going to follow me, being my protector and all, but do you mind if I walk a few miles ahead of you?” Leah asked.

A node of my head was all that I could offer. Being alone didn’t sound like a bad idea. With the bag packed and a fifteen minute head start I began my trudge against the path I had taken to find Leah, the exact path she had taken back towards Emily’s house. As I walked around silently my mind was on everything including the burn in my chest. My footing was lost every few steps as I minded Leah’s words more so than the rising roots in the ground. When I made it back to Emily’s house I could hear Leah’s voice inside so that was where I didn’t go. I got back in the truck and headed back down to the beach to finish sitting up.

The tribal dinner was beautiful. I could see that much but I felt even less. The entire beach was set up with food and tables. Everyone had come out to celebrate the day before the wedding. I was only there because I was expected to be there. And just as I was expected to be so was Leah. I kept my distance from as many people as I could, but especially from her. I always knew where she was though, I found myself looking for her even when I wasn’t trying too. Occasionally, I would see her looking my way too and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking. She looked more sad than angry as she watched the toast to the happy couple. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was imagining that it should have been her holding on to Sam, laughing, preparing for one of the most important days of her life. With that thought I was cutting myself deep, imagining the woman I loved still in love with someone else. The more I sat there trying not to watch her, and trying not to imagine the world she wish she was in, a world that was with Sam and not with me, the more I realized I needed time just as much as she did. 

The imprinting pain was growing and now it had swallowed me. 

I found a vacant spot on the beach, a place where Sam and Leah’s happiness hadn’t spilled over too. I sat on the rotten log that someone had long since drug down the beach and purposely had buried in the sand. It was a perfect distance from the shore’s gentle tide: close enough to keep the sand and your feet damp but not enough to be trenched by the end day swells. I was lost in the motion of the water crashing on my feet. It was probably the first thought free moment I had managed in the last six months. I didn’t hear of see when she approached. 

Leah took the seat to the right of me. She stretched out her legs; the water hitting her higher on her calf. I couldn’t help but follow her bare feet to those strong muscles, my eyes raking over the dress she wore. It was just above her knees but rose higher with her legs stretched before her. It was dark green, just like the moss that surrounded her when she was trying to get lost in the woods. The color was wide enough to show her collar bone and leave her arms bare. I was angry that I was hurting over her just as much as I was angry that I couldn’t be closer to her. I felt like I was being pulled from every angle, mind and heart confused.

It was getting dark and the air was beginning to cool. I looked at Leah just as she pulled her feet away from the still splashing water; rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Without a thought I took off the top long sleeve blue shirt I wore and handed it to her. She took it without hesitation, quickly sticking her hands into the too long sleeves. A part of me was happy to see she expected me to take care of her.

“Do you ever hate that you imprinted on me; that you have to take care of me?” Leah asked turning her body completely away from the settling water, yet scooting closer to me.

“Yup,” was my gentle and considerate response, never looking away from the waves in the distance. 

I saw the mark my words hit as she dropped her head. The war in me raged on as the imprinted wolf in me wanted to apologies for being so clip while the immature human side wanted to let the burn last. Leah wrapped herself up tighter in my shirt. She pulled the color over her nose taking in a deep breath. I wondered why but I didn’t have the energy to ask.

“I wish I could take it away from you, so you wouldn’t have to deal with me. So you wouldn’t have to suffer.”

The wolf won. 

“It’s a mess, Leah, but I wouldn’t take it away.” And I wouldn’t. It was hard and messy and painful and full of rejection sometimes but it was the first right thing I had felt since all the legend came true one day. Rather it was to increase the strength of our legacy, our bloodline, or some cruel act of faith; imprinting felt right and made me feel right, like I had more of a purpose than just being another patrol dog.

I saw the small smile that appeared on her face before she could stop it and hide it away. She smelled the collar of my shirt again before standing to leave.

“I think I am going to head home. I’ve given all the support I think I can give right now.” Leah sounded exhausted. 

Leah stood there longer than she needed too after making her declaration. I didn’t want her to leave but I understood. I felt like she was waiting on something, like maybe she was waiting on me.

“Do you mind if I walk you home, Leah?” 

“As long as I get to keep wearing your shirt?”

I took step along side of her as we began our walk up the beach. We walked in total silence; it seemed to be the best way we could communicate some days. I wanted to know what she was thinking but always afraid to ask; afraid it would be about Sam. I didn’t know how much more of that I could take.

We were at Leah’s front door before I realized it. As she stepped inside the house the urge to stay with her only got stronger. I was hurt and pissed at her words in the woods; at the angry words she always had ready to launch at me and everyone else, but I couldn’t deny how being near her made my stomach leap in excitement and my hands sweat in anticipation. Time had passed. I had given her six months and Leah knew how I felt about her. It was me still in the dark with pain from her. I raised my hand and pushed aside the piece of hair that failed to stay pulled behind her ear. Her cheeks were cool to my touch, the effect of the night air on her skin. The moonlight that fell on her left a silver tent to her cheeks and glass like reflection in her eye, my thumb linger on her chin, running along the soft curve of her jawline. She didn’t stop me; she didn’t swat my hand away or hurl insults at me.

I didn’t make it far from Leah’s home before the burn in my fingers from where I was allowed to touch her travelled up my arms and into my heart. The last think I wanted was miles and trees and dirt and the palatable pain between us. Quickly undressing, knotting my shirt to my pants, I shifted there in the trees halfway between her house and mines. I didn’t care who was on patrol or who would know where I was going. Picking my clothes up in my mouth, I ran back to Leah’s house. Lying below her window I only could hope she wouldn’t be too mad at me the next day, but I had to take all the closeness to her that I could manage. 

I hadn’t been below her window long before I heard the slide of the window pane. I had been caught. Cussing in my head for all the wolves to hear, I mentally prepared myself for the order to leave. I sat up on my hunches. I was just tall enough to put my muzzle on the window seal. The air of the night pushed Leah’s hair around her face. I wanted her to tell me to leave quickly so she could return to her sheets, where it was warm, but those words never came.

Leah stretched the top of my nose. She leaned her body partly out of her window, low enough to scratch the spot just behind the back of my jaw and above my neck. I didn’t realize the low hmm was coming from me until I heard the internal laugh of other wolves. I immediately knew it was Seth and Quil. I hung my head in embarrassment but there was no way of hiding my thoughts, of how I never wanted her to stop touching me, from those on patrol.

“Don’t forget your backpack tomorrow, Dora. How about you bring two bags of Cheetos this time?”

“Who the hell is Dora?” Seth laughed, to which Quil answered with his rendition of the Backpack Song. The low growl in my chest only made them laugh harder.

“Good night, Jake,” Leah said before closing her window and climbing back into her bed. She never told me to leave and I felt like I had won a victory like none other. I pulled up along the side of the house to look into her room.

“Jake, now you’re a peeping tom! For shame,” Quil ribbed me.

But I could have cared less about his teasing or Seth laughing. I looked at Leah, fast asleep, wearing my blue shirt. I nestled back along the side of the house in an attempt to rest before the next day.

*III*

I hated suits. 

I wasn’t really wearing a suite as I was wearing a long sleeve, white button down shirt with black cargo shorts and barefoot standing in the same sand I was standing in the night before… but still I wasn’t comfortable. It was too warm and I was tired. I slept fine outside Leah’s window, but something about the day was making me exhausted. It was like I was feeling life being pulled out of me slowly and deliberately but it wasn’t quite me that was feeling it.

I was certain I was feeling what Leah was feeling. 

The wolves and honorary best men all lined along Sam’s side of the aisle. He insisted that I stood at the front of the line since I was the rightful alpha or some jazz like that. I wanted to protest but I didn’t see much point in it. The only good thing about my spot was that I had a clear shot at Leah, who sat on the family side of Emily. At first I thought Leah would be upset for not being able to stand as a part of the pack but then I remembered that Leah didn’t honor the position like the rest of us did, so she was probably relieved. And standing in support behind the man who hurt her was likely not on her most wanted to do list either. Honestly, I was sure Leah wanted to be anywhere but at the wedding rather it was on Sam’s side or Emily, but she was bound by a familial and tribal obligation. 

I couldn’t deny however that she was beautiful even in her pained looked. Her hair was wavy and looked shorter than usual because of it. The front still fell over her face and occasionally covered her eye. She repeatedly pushed it back into place but I wanted her to leave it there. For some reason the waves made her look gentler and softer, even more beautiful. I wanted to tell her that when I saw her walk onto the beach, but the way she looked at me screamed that she wasn’t up for the imprint crap, and so I lost my nerves.

My eyes kept looking at her collarbone that was visible for her halter top dress. She wore her arm out again, only covered by a thin shawl-wrap-thing that looked like more for decoration than for warmth. I pulled on the t-shirt underneath my monkey neck shirt, prepared to warm her again with my own shirt just like the night before if I had to. I didn’t care if in the end Leah walked away with every shirt I ever owned. 

Her dress was light blue and short. It made her look softer, covering up all the lean muscles I knew she wore underneath. Her skin glowed in the afternoon sun. I wanted to run my hands across her exposed back and legs and knees and hands and mark her as my own. She was all that I could ever think about and I wanted desperately to show her that even though it was imprinting that made me see her for the first time, really see her . . . it didn’t take away from how much I desired her and loved her or how I never wanted to leave her. Though I had a view of her beautiful hair, and skin and body my eyes only rarely moved away from her face. There was still pain there and discomfort but also confusion. As the guest slowly made their way on the beach and took there places she kept looking around as if she was lost, she didn’t know where she was, or maybe even who she was. Her face would fall and her eyebrows pinch in the center the way they always did when she was thinking hard. Then every once in a while she would look my direct and the confusion would be wiped away as if it was never there. My heart would skip a beat each time she met my eyes. But she would only reposition herself in her chair and look forward, back to the scene of the ceremony that was starting soon. 

I didn’t see any of the weddings. I could hear what was going on around me, I knew what was supposed to be happening but my mind wasn’t on the couple. There were the flower girls dropping large white petals and small daisies. There was a prayer and lighting of some candles. There was a candle blown out by both the bride and the group in honor of our spirit walking ancestors who moved as stealthily as the smoke through air. I knew Emily wore a soft yellow long dress. I saw Sam in white pants and shirt. It was like all the other weddings I had been on at that beach, except at this one, on occasion, I caught the eyes of Leah. When the council leader concluded the ceremony, announcing officially the union was complete I looked to Leah, curious to her reaction. I expected her to cry or look more broken then she had over the entire life of the pain and ordeal she had been through but none of that was there. She looked . . . content. She was clapping for the couple. 

When the ceremony was over I laughed with my pack and danced with the bride. I congratulated Sam and I was in dozens of pictures. I helped where I could but I was longing to break away. When the celebration began to settle I backed away slowly until I found my perfectly lonely log where I was tucked away before but this time it was already occupied. 

She sat in the exact same spot. Her legs were still stretched out letting the soft waves wash away the sand on her feet. When she looked up to see me standing there I saw the way she no longer looked pained or angry. She patted the seat directly next to her, inviting me to sit, and when I didn’t sit close enough, she moved closer to me. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, comfort her, even though she didn’t look like she needed comforting. 

“I like your hair that way,” I said, my complement from earlier coming back to me. I was still nervous to tell her, never knowing how she was going to react.

“Thank you,” was her scary response. I looked at her in shock. 

I wondered if she had finally snapped. If everything inside of her had finally collapsed out of pain and despair and this was her quitting. My heart beats were coming a faster at the sound of her accepting a complement, but my nerves were on edge waiting on the back lash, the blow up, the breakdown.... something!

But it never came.

The silence being too much, I asked, “How are you feeling, Leah?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m okay,” she said sliding closer still to me. She threaded her arm undermine, locking us together. “And if I’m not okay, you’ll be there to help me, right?” she asked, never taking her eyes off the water.

The nerves rose again but not out of fear or anticipation but excitement. It felt different. It felt like the wings of butterflies beating inside of me. It felt like burst of light going off deep inside of me in some part I didn’t know where. And when she laid her head on my arm and the smell of her hair surrounded me, it felt like I was whole. There was no pain in me and there was no exhaustion left. There was just the soft feel of Leah pressed to me.

“That’s right,” I responded to her plea. “Stay right here. I’ll be back.”

I didn’t want to break away from her. I didn’t know if I would still find this Leah waiting on me or in my absence would she return to the broken woman. Running as quickly as I could, I retrieved our backpack and the extra blanket I packed and returned to her. She was still there and she still looked at peace.

“Want to go for a short walk?” I asked her. She looked at the blanket in my hand and with a short nod she stood to her feet. It could have just been my nerves but I was certain Leah reached for my hand and I took it before she could have a second thought.

Just inside the tree line that surrounded the outer edge of the beach was a clearing. It was likely where our log had come from. I stretched out the extra blanket, and assisted Leah in taking a seat. I didn’t imagine the smile she gave me. We were tucked away into our world but we could still see the wedding party and hear the music. Taking the seat next to her, closer than I had ever sat beside her in the woods, I started pulling out our previsions. Crackers, cheese, bowls of fruit, napkins, bottles of water, strawberry soda, and of course two bags of Cheetos.

“Wow, Jake, did you think we were going to be out here for a while?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect.” I was planning for the worst; hours of comforting her in the forest after she saw the wedding. I didn’t pull out the extra shirt I packed for her or blanket or flashlight. 

Leah only moved somehow closer to me, lying her head in my lap, facing the celebration that played out in front of us like a scene from a movie we were watching for our enjoyment. I stretched out my legs in an attempt to make her more comfortable. I pulled out the extra blanket, laying it over her. I brushed the wayward section of her hair back behind her ear. I think it was how close she was to me, how comfortable she seemed that gave me the courage to stroke her cheek for longer than needed to move her hair. At no rebuttal or attack from the angel in my arms the butterfly wings only picked up speed.

“I remember I was once mad and really hurt by this. That happened right, that gut wrenching pain that felt like it was only getting worst? That really did happen, right? Wasn’t it only yesterday?” she asked, still looking at the people dancing and the kids screaming on the beach.

“Yeah, that happened.”

“I remember what it felt like, I remember I had it but somehow I don’t feel it anymore.”

I leaned back on my hands, shocked by Leah’s words. How could she not feel it anymore? It was only yesterday she jumped down Emily’s throat about Seth and ran away into the woods. It was only yesterday she knew for certain she would never know what it was like to be a bride. It was only six months ago that she had had the greatest break down in her entire life. I still remember how it all felt. How my emotions mirrored hers and how nothing I could do could make her feel better or comfort her. It was all just only yesterday, so what had changed?

“I know I am supposed to be mad and bitchy, but I’m not. I kind of feel different.” Leah sat up from her position on my lap and I immediately missed the feel of the weight and her body heat. “You feel what I feel right, 'cause you imprinted, right? Do I feel different? Do I look different?”

It was all like magic. The imprinting. The time. The patience. The lessons. The way she was looking at me; the way she felt in my arms. 

“Yeah, Leah, you do look different,” I brushed her cheek again, “you feel different.” 

Leah laid her head back into my lap and said, “Good, I want to be different.”

*III*  
(6 months later)

The rain was beating hard against the hood of my truck. I dashed across the Uley’s yard, avoiding puddles and trying to avoid getting soaked. I knew Sam wasn’t home, he was on patrol. I followed the sound of giggles through the house. Emily and Leah were sitting on the open back deck, watching the rain fall like a never ending sheet off the slanted roof. 

“Sure, Sure,” was all I heard Leah say before she and Emily feel into another fit of laughter. 

My heart still skipped a beat every time I saw her. It was like I could never get use to her beauty no matter how long I looked at her. And any time we were apart always felt like too long. The days of tension and running away came farther and fewer between. Now when we ran away it was planned and I was running with her. She found peace in the escape she got in our own forest. I liked to think I helped her; me, imprinting magic, and time helped her. She would never admit that though; still stubborn and trying to remain the strongest amongst us, proving herself as still the only female wolf in the pack. She kept her hair short and she wore it in waves more often. That’s how she told me that she knew I was right.

She pushed back that same piece of hair when she saw me approaching.

“Hey, Emily.”

“Hey, Jake.”

“Ready to go, Leah?”

“Sure,” she said. Her smile was radiant.

She smiled more now. She smiled after patrols. She smiled as she spent more time alone with Emily, cousins forever and best friends again. She still wore a smile when she saw Sam and above all else she smiled when she saw me. 

We rode in silence, bouncing along in my truck as we made our way back to my house. We ran in the house but there was no point; the sheets of rain had us trench from head to toe the moment we stepped out of the truck. In my room I turned my back as she pulled off her dripping clothes but I turned around just in time to see her pull my long red shirt over her head, my eyes following the line of her spine as the cotton slowly hid it away from me. The resulting smack on the arm I got when she caught me was worth it.

She no longer stared out of the bedroom window, looking out into the escape she never thought she would make. Instead, she laid in my arms, her leg thrown over mine, her arms laying across my chest as we watched television or simply sat in silence. 

And each day she let me love her a little bit more.

*III*

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the reads, reviews, and kudos!


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